You are a Secret Conspiracy Theorist

by Liam Scheff
published at Lew

You! Yes, you, sane and calm, worldly-wise and down-to-earth. You’re not a conspiracy theorist, are you?

Of course not! You don’t go along with plots to hatch and scheme and plans to deceive? Do you?

But do you ever deceive? Do you personally ever participate in deception? (Well…everybody fibs now and then, right? No?) But what about a real deception? You’re not part of one of those…

Would you know if you were? What if most deception is self-deception? (Is it a a philosophical question? No, it’s a real-world problem).

So, are you a conspiracy theorist?

But what is a conspiracy? What is conspiracy but deception between two or more individuals or parties? In simplest terms, a “conspiracy” is first and foremost an untruth, or deception – a lie – told by one person, or by many people, to another person, or to many people. Have a gander:

“The arguments for a conspiracy theory are indeed often dismissed on the grounds that no one conspiracy could possibly control everything. But that is not what this theory sets out to show. Quigley is not saying that modern history is the invention of an esoteric cabal designing events omnipotently to suit its ends. The implicit claim, on the contrary, is that a multitude of conspiracies contend in the night. Clandestinism is not the usage of a handful of rogues, it is a formalized practice of an entire class in which a thousand hands spontaneously join. Conspiracy is the normal continuation of normal politics by normal means.“ – Carl Ogelsby [Read all about it]

Oh, but you’re not a ‘Conspiracy Theorist,” are you?

Sure you are! You’re soaking in it! You’re paying for the privilege.

Challenge: Name a popular movie, television program or book, whose premise is not based on the fact that human beings deceive themselves and each other. Go through the list of top-grossing films, or pieces of fiction and non-fiction in any media form – and count the number that are about crime and/or deception, ie:

A. Organized Crime
B. State Crime
C. War Crime
D. Civilian Crime
E. Interpersonal Deception

…and/or any other kind of lie, propagated as truth; or whose discovery forms the basis for the drama or comedy.

Some examples? Let’s get to the heart of it – the greatest author in the English language, William Shakespeare (or, Edward de Vere, perhaps), wrote tragic comedies and comic tragedies, all based in deception, misheard and misunderstood information, and secrets shown to the reader but kept from the players till the end was in sight.

And where are we to go after Shakespeare? Name a novelist, name a drama, name a genre. All compelling drama is based on obfuscation. All dramatic tension is based on deception, all catharsis on revelation of what has been hidden.

Jump to the present. During the years of the Bush (Jr) administration, Hollywood responded to its distaste for the man and his cabinet through an act of wholesale self-deception and denial, and created, out of whole cloth, their “real President” fantasy, The West Wing. They invented a sane, “liberal” president to distract themselves from the international war-mongering, and intrigue-heavy Bush years. (But even in the fictional program, conspiracies abounded!)

How about movies? Genre by genre:

Action films: Lethal Weapon (drug trafficking, murder, secret societies of ex-Vietnam soldiers, South African Apartheid money laundering, and more), The Bourne Redundancies (secret agent of very average height and build does impossible gymnastics, while trying to recover his true identity, en route discovering fake passports, international intrigue, girls, cars, guns, etc.); Star Wars (the fascist Empire sets out to murder all dissidents! Dissidents conspire to overthrow fascist Empire!), Avatar (sexy blue Rousseauean-fantasy “native” humanoids are infiltrated by ruthless capitalist land-exploiters!);

Drama: The Constant Gardner (deadly drugs for Africans – covered up by murder!), Blood Diamond (murder and slavery of Africans – covered up by murder!), Thirteen Days (the U.S. teeters on the brink of nuclear war with Russia – a president is pushed by his war cabinet into conflict, he resists, and the nation rises!), JFK (and falls), The Godfather (Senators, businessmen, captains of industry play dirty, dirty, dirty pool; nice Italian boy consolidates power through paid assassination of his rivals), The Da Vinci Code (Jesus loved Mary Magdalene! No, I mean LOVED her!);

Romance: You’ve Got Mail (when will Tom Hanks tell the truth! That he loves Meg Ryan!), When Harry Met Sally (when will Billy Crystal tell the Truth! That he loves Meg Ryan!!), Titanic (when will that stupid captain tell the TRUTH! That the ship is not indestructible, and get away from those icebergs!);

Television: Gray’s Anatomy, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette – dens of intrigue and deception! Jersey Shore – how many betrayals can a bunch of brawling, drunken morons stand!

What about comedy? How about Three’s Company – every episode was based on the perpetration and dramatic discovery of a lie, leading to some grand sexual misunderstanding.

All of Oscar Wilde’s work, all of Jane Austen, all of the Bible, is based on the discovery of information not previously known, because it was consciously or unconsciously suppressed by a person, agency or nation.

– Dangerous Anti-American Conspiracy Theorists

How about M*A*S*H, the situation comedy based on — the Korean War! The comedy hinged on the fact that a couple doctors – Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John McIntyre – recognized that the “police action” in South Korea was actually an illegal war. And further, that war – the practice of a few powerful human beings sending thousands or hundreds of thousands of powerless human beings to fight and kill and die, for reasons of economy or ego – that war is, from a strictly logical and humanitarian point-of-view, a lie. A conspiracy to defraud the masses of their lives and livelihoods.

– Texting away for the new world order, the Bilderbergs, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and the Federal Reserve. It’s fun!

And how about you? You, tapping away on your ‘iDevice,’ are part of an immense, networked conspiracy, whose intent it is to buy and sell products, manufactured using materials from all over the world, derived from mining and electronics work done by wage slaves in Asia and India, to produce little machines for the wealthiest 10 percent, so that they can distance themselves from engaging in reality, at all times, by tapping on little blinking glass screens – all the while paying 200 dollars, plus 40 dollars a month for the privilege.

You, conspirator, you.



  1. A fellow named David B. wrote me with his 10 minute Youtube mini-doc/analysis of the political underpinnings of….

    Star Wars!

    Sound unlikely? But it’s great!

    Sure, at least four of the six movies were pretty bad, two were atrocious, unforgivable and silly beyond repair.

    But this 10 minute analysis makes sense of the sub-text beneath the glossy vile computer generated goop that ruined the movies.

    Pretty neato.

  2. Hi Liam,

    Regarding You Are a Secret Conspiracy Theorist, ( ) I would like to share with you a thought.

    What you say of course is true and obvious when you consider a “reasoning way” to look at it, buy I believe there a cause for the behavior of people in that area.

    The issue lies on the fact that most, most, people have a totally defensive attitude in their way of thinking.

    People have a “stage of learning” in their young years.

    Then they “evolve” into a stage of “questioning” after the learning

    They then provide their own “answers and explanations” to the questions.

    Then they freeze there. I had my question …I have my answer…. “that’s the way things are”

    They know there are millions of conspiracies,, which are no more no less than deceptions…. in fact they know that the world if full of deception and runs on it.

    But when someone comes along and suggests to them that the answers they provided to their questions may be wrong they simply reject the proposal.

    Why? Because of insecurity, narcissism, refusal to admit they know very little of reality. You an provide more adjectives, but the resulting diagnostic is defensiveness for a multitude of reasons in their psyche.

    A great majority of middle class people are that way. Paradoxically, the poor, uneducated, may be more ductile than the “educated”

    I personally am glad when somebody proves me wrong, because I will correct my mistakes that way. We all make mistakes, we should love to have a machine that alerts us. There is no machine so why not accept our fellow man in exchange? Well 90% of the people do not.

    That is why technology improves correcting its mistakes and sociology is stagnant.

    So when you tell Joe Blow for example that “the towers collapsed from controlled demolition”, he will label it a Conspiracy Theory which has become the cliché he will use to defend himself from being ignorant. And will not even go study the WHY of what you are telling him…. Denial from ignorance is the most common behavior. … not that he is “ignorant” as a personal qualification, but that he is ignorant of the facts on which you may base your assertions, and will not “step down” to look at them, as they might mean he is wrong.

    Even if educated, with degrees and all, people to be considered educated muse fill Aristotle’s definition:

    “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

    I world like to add a corollary “is to be able to consider a thought contrary to its convictions” as a previous step to accepting it or not.

    The Conspiracy Theory cliché has been coined by the governing establishment to help preserve ignorance, a condition favorable to them. Simply by not teaching Aristotle in their education program from the third grade on….Ho Ho Ho, is this a Conspiracy Theory?

    Best Regards from a Greek living in Argentina.


    PS. Regarding the ability to learn logic at third grade, I asked two 10 year olds this question individually without the other one present:: If I tell you that ALL THE CATS ARE BLACK, what three other things can you tell me about cats? In less than a minute they answered “no cats are black” , “some cats are black” and “some cats are not black”… Lo and behold Aristotle’s four Categorical Propositions which define all the possible states of anything, The base principles of logic. Most adults would be baffled…. We are all educated to be stubborn.. that “we are special”, so we become specially stubborn.

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