LiamScheff.com — The Conspiracy Realist

Vote For Me for Vice-President – I’m Your Write-In Candidate du Jour

9-11 / The Popular Culture

Tags: ,

January 3, 2012 15


– Vice-President Liam

UPDATE: I was running for President, but as I was going to vote for Ron Paul despite my candidacy, I feel that my best use as a citizen activist is to support Ron, by offering myself as Vice. VP Liam. As your Vice-President, I will do everything I can to support the policies of Ron Paul. I will tell the press exactly what I think of them, all the time. I will give talks at your local speaker bureaus about the realities of our international war and monetary policies.

I will make my best effort to dare the Congress to impeach me, by telling their dirty political secrets in public.

And, on the Paul ticket, I’ll be the young one, so will be there to take the office when the good man needs days off to deliver babies…

Given the total insanity infecting the Nation’s policy makers, I am forced to throw my hat into the ring; yes, I am now running for VICE-President of the United States as a write-in candidate.

My platform:

Number 1: I am candid, so can be a candidate.

2: I will legalize all hemp and hemp-related plants and products, and let individual growers set their prices without restriction or taxation. I will also allow the government to grow these products and sell them as a way to recoup debt and fund charity projects, like funding the military.

3. I will end the Fed. I will actually fill the Federal reserve with extracts from skunks’ stink glands, so the smell reflects the behavior of those who work there. Same goes for the I.R.S. Taxes on goods and services will be collected only at points of sale. If the Government wants to fund wars, it can hold fund-raisers.

4. I will end all restrictions on personal commerce; you can sell what you like, as long as you’re not physically hurting anyone. And you won’t need a license to get married or fish or any other related activity. The Government will only dispense civil union agreements to any adults who want them, at City Halls, but no marriage licenses. You’ll handle that on your own, in your own words, and according to your own philosophy.

5. I will legalize prostitution, in order to free a lot of young women – and men – from college educations that will only lead them to careers in retail. Better to be free to make real money while you’re in the mood.

6. I will take away all subsidies for petro-chemical farming, so that organic food will rightfully be less expensive than pesticide-ridden toxic puke.

7. I will make sure that we celebrate Saturnalia. I will make Shiva, Ganesha, Brahma and Vishnu acceptable Gods to worship, and I will make polytheism a recognized religion in the country; if only for the purpose of not killing foreigners in the name of Jesus anymore. (We can wage war, properly, in the name of Mars).

8. I will make sure that we have long vacations as citizens. We’ll be on a rotating basis, but you’ll get at least 8 weeks off per year, as part of your full-time job. A country that plays together, stays together.

9. I will make talking on cell phones in a loud voice in public places a crime punishable according to the whims of your peers; excluding death or maiming, but not excluding a good, sound slapping.

10. Every other Friday will be an optional raw-food fast. Bring your carrots, celery, almonds and bananas!

And

11. Pharma companies will be required to spend half of their R&D money on seeing if they could solve problems with natural products, that can not be patented, or sold at exorbitant cost.

I look forward to continuing to serve humanity as your Vice-President. Or, whatever.

15 Comments

Leave a Reply