Hillary Will Lower Gas Prices!
April 29th, 2008 — -She said so! She’ll make it happen. She has a plan.
Not just a short-term fix, invented to take advantage of the public’s massive gullibility (and fear that all Black men are the same).
No! No, no, no. No!
It’s a real plan… with a living history…
You see, when she was young and traveling in the Amazon (with her great-uncle, Sir Edmund Hillary, who she was named for),
- Uncle Eddie
…her hunting party (because she loves to hunt!) ran out of ammunition for the deadly winged crocodiles that were the plague of the BiguMeetuu people, (who had adopted young Hilly as their honorary queen, because of her way with people)….
- In the Amazon!
- The BiguMeetuu People
- Princess Hilly
- Flying Croc
Knowing of her importance to the future of the world, young Hillary decided to develop a self-propelling ammunition, out of dirt and chewing gum. There was plenty of dirt around, and fortunately, by wondrous chance, Hillary also had a magic pouch in which she kept a limitless supply of chewing gum! (Because she invented it, and a good fairy gave her a magical bottomless pouch to keep it in, so she could share it with children everywhere)!
- Bubble Gum Fairy
The earth and gum ammunition worked, getting in the wings and clogging up the mouths and teeth of the terrible flying crocodiles!
- Gummy-mouthed Flying Croc (wings hidden in this picture, because of angle)
Years later, on a camping trip to the moon, Hillary realized that she had forgotten her thermal blanket, (because it had been stolen by Bosnian sniper-terrorists who had tricked her into giving it to them by saying that if she did, they would give her the recipe for the cure for Aids and SARS and Bird-flu, and so, of course, she had to agree!)
In any case, she found herself on the moon without a blanket!
- “Oh no! I’m on the moon without my thermal blanket!” She yelled loudly!
But she did have her magic chewing gum pouch. And so she picked up a handful of moon dirt, and wrapped it gum, and on a whim, took out her lucky flint stone, (which was a gift from Mother Theresa and Gandhi, for the time that she saved them both from paying too much for a day-pass to DisneyWorld) and something magic happened…
- Magic Gum and Pouch
The magic-gum-and-moon-dirt package began to glow… and then it burned… and then it burned and burned and burned, and never went out.
And that’s why the moon, is glowing, to this day.
- Chewing gum-illuminated moon
And it’s that same renewable dirt-and-gum super-fuel that Hillary Clinton will use to solve the gas, energy, and global warming crisis, (because the fuel gives off no C02, only warm fuzzies).
And that’s how Hillary Clinton will solve the gas crisis. You have her word on it.
Disclaimer:
(All facts herein are absolutely quotable, although not all quotes are absolutely factual; that is, some of them might have been “misspoken.”)
April 30th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Killer! Funny. I wonder if her campaign will endorse the idea?