Hillary Clinton Campaigns to be “President of White, Cheese-steak-binge-eating, Hard-drinking, Gun-rack-wearing Democratic States.”
posted in The Popular Culture |“I really, really, really, really,” said Clinton, “reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally”, she continued,
“REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE POPULAR!” She told a crowd gathered in front of a Wal*Mart in Louisville.
“I really really really WANT to be important! And if you’ll help me stay important,” she pledged, “I’ll say that I’ll do things that you want to hear somebody say!” She told the slightly dazed crowd, who were getting an early start on their weekend drinking.
Clinton then promised to return “Separate but Equal” to “Southern States that got a raw deal in 1865.” She told a cheering mob.
Clinton has petitioned Howard Dean, head of the DNC, to create a new position in the party, that would allow her to be “President” of “People who want me to be president,” she told the press, with a tear in her eye, announcing heartily: “Because I’m fighting for ME!”
Her Husband and daughter were also at the event, and could be seen behind her, repeatedly chanting in a low drone: “The dynasty must not be allowed to collapse…The dynasty must not be allowed to collapse…”
Next up: Clinton is taking her campaign back to West Virginia. “If the people of West Virginia want to have their votes counted twice,” she pandered, “I’m not going to let some stuffy bureaucrats down in War-shington tell them how to run their democracy!”
Disclaimer: (All facts herein are absolutely quotable, although not all quotes are absolutely factual; that is, some of them might have been “misspoken.”)