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Ahem…

I have a prepared statement.

I cannot, in good conscience, cast a vote for President of the United States in this 2008 election, and I will tell you why.

I have been assured by Right-wing radio hosts that If candidate A wins, we will be taken over by a stone-cold racist Marxist/Leninist cabal ( which will sell the country in large swaths to China and Venezuela, which will be jointly taken over by George Soros ), and, once in office, engages in terrorist activities, planting bombs in empty buildings just to violently move the public away from “an unjust war”;

Meanwhile enslaving the white race, taking all the white women for themselves, and then forcing us - white people - to work for other people at diminishing wages with limited time for cable and internet leisure-time viewing.

You see the terror on the horizon.

On the other hand, I have been assured, this time by Left-wing print publications, that if candidate B wins, we will be governed by a doddering, choleric and irrational 200 thousand year old man who will immediately declare a World War, and then die within hours of taking office, leaving the country to be governed by a forty-something year old moose-killing gun-pumping cheerleader who intends to invade Russia, because, “she can see it from where she lives.”

What is a country-loving, Constitution-worshiping citizen to do?

Watching from a lonely post on Mt. Liberty, wondering what Jesus and the Buddha would do,

Your humble servant, L.S.