Apple’s Genius New Product…
January 27th, 2010 — LiamPrediction: The iPad (“Apple’s Genius New Product”) will further erode the world of private versus public life, thinking freely and independently, and reading anything that requires meditative consideration.
- The iPad, soon to take over your life, or the life of every twenty to thirty-something near you.
You can watch the video, if you want to watch some truly delusional people practice a level of mock-holy douchebaggery, rarely seen since the time of… (fill in your favorite mock-holy douchebag).
Q: How many apple iPads can dance on the head of a pin?
A: How much money you got?
It doesn’t run a complete Mac operating system, so you’re stuck running gadget programs from the iTunes store. You can spend all day playing games though, if that helps you while away your life. It also lacks a single USB port. Yes, that’s right. Indeed, why let people work with anything but proprietary technology?
And, it’s “Magical!” You can read newspapers on it! (You can in real life too). You can look at photos! You can watch YouTube! ANYWHERE! You can even touch it! And it will touch you right back.
You’ll never be without a friend again. Go buy one. It’s only 500 dollars. Be an individual. I mean, what’s 500 dollars? Surely not much money to the people in Africa who have so much clean drinking water that they die every 5 minutes from dysentery – Sorry. Sorry…I forgot. Fun. Apple is fun.
Hey, can I get any large business to sign on to a well-digging and sewage-treating charity for South, West and Eastern Africa? Like, you know, two percent? So, let’s see… two percent of 500 dollars… 10 dollars? Could 10 dollars from the purchase of every iPad go to a well digging project in any African nation?
Cause they don’t have really like a lot of totally clean water there, you know. And like, it would be really cool, like you know, if they could, totally, like, drink water without getting parasites and dysentary, and like, wasting away to nothing.
But, then, product “RED” will be there to help them with the drugs they really, really, really need. Like Nevirapine.
Oh, but I’m such a bother. I know, Apple is a wonderfully innovative company, making fun and creative electronic tools for so many people to tool around with. But at some point, when we can’t read without a 500 electronic device, when we can’t walk down the street without calling our spouse or roommate to find out if the plain yogurt is “okay” to buy, when we can’t draw or write without the presence of a ‘touch screen qwerty device,’ then, my friends, we’re no longer using the computer. It’s using us.
As the comedian said: It’s not the tool. We are.
February 1st, 2010 at 3:47 PM
“These are the days of miracle and wonder / this is the long-distance call / these are the days of miracle and wonder / and don’t cry baby don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.” “. . . a loose collection of millionaires and billionaires . . . ” “the bomb in the baby carriage and the baby with the baboon heart.”
– Paul Simon, from the “Graceland” album, 1986
[Reply]
February 1st, 2010 at 3:56 PM
So start a PayPal account from here, asking people to contribute half the price of an iPad — $250 — to an organization that drills water wells in African villages. I’ll give the first $250.
[Reply]
February 1st, 2010 at 8:00 PM
Great idea. I’m on it.
[Reply]
February 1st, 2010 at 8:38 PM
Once upon a time
Sunk and surrounded
A comparison began
And the be-all and end-all
…
It’s self-importance all the way
I’ve got a chip on my shoulder
And it’s almost as big as yours
(We’re number one)
http://www.myspace.com/babylandmusic
[Reply]
February 19th, 2010 at 11:52 PM
Oh, Okay…
Here’s what it needs:
USB port.
SD Card.
Conference camera.
Multi-tasking.
More robust operating system than Iphone. Add Firefox, medium sized versions of programs like Pixelmator (for artists), Garageband, iMovie, word processing, PDF editor, etc.
Make it more functional. Let it integrate with home hardware. Let it be a controller for onscreen functions, or a smaller second display for video editing or other programs. Let it be a touch-controller for your home or office Mac.
So let it be written, so let it be done…
And donate a few percent to a good (real, honest, useful) charity, for God’s sake. Jeez. They’re making enough dough. Dig some wells, plant some trees, buy some farm animals for the world.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2010 at 9:29 PM
I would be giving generously to a variety of charities if I had invested my money into Apple Co., but I never did. I am half considering it now, but I do not trust investing because it takes away from working people, which in turn defeats it’s own purpose eventually.
Garage Band is Beautiful!
I would recommend the “Mac Mini” instead of this palm pilot redo.
[Reply]
February 20th, 2010 at 9:42 PM
Invest, young man, Invest! If not you, then it will be someone else. Make something good out of the money. What can be done – this is the world we live in, and currency is the way we make much happen.
If we don’t build something for later, we’ll be the honorable working poor for eternity. Invest, young man, invest!
[Reply]
February 21st, 2010 at 1:05 AM
I might be suffering from big mouth syndrome, but I am not too proud to stand corrected. Thank you. I am very concerned about the people I see every day, removed and disconnected from your enlightenment.
Can you tell me why anyone in my presence time after time has to worry themselves sick on account of currency?
Why does a piece of paper sink a family over and over in my country?
I will be forever worried sick until you solve this.
[Reply]
February 22nd, 2010 at 6:26 AM
I feel somewhat compelled to chime in on this one, working professionally as a field engineer for Apple products (though not employed by Apple.)
The iPad is a joke in many respects, but it’s intent is not to reduce options for the sake of out right control, but to provide that control to someone that already requires it. Public libraries and elementary schools are more the target for this kind of cost-reducing control. I work with a few schools (most do not use Macs btw) and student sabotage and carelessness are very common, even at the one Jewish Orthodox school I work with (they may in fact be the worst about damage.)
Furthermore, the iPad is an exercise in touch technology – certainly not the last incarnation we will see. Thousands of well meaning engineers have spent years working on this kind of interface and in their world, this is a good thing.
Now, to say that this is a calamitous waste when water is needed in 3rd world countries is pretty wild Liam. You’re not at all wrong, but why is it the iPad’s designers or it’s vendor’s fault? Why isn’t every single corporate entity in America to be shamed with this reality? I greatly agree that corporate America should be spending its whorish profits on ‘the greater good” but I can’t really read that without a strong chuckle when you place the blame for that enormous disparity in wealth on a single product or corporation. This kind of technological product is the mainstay of our modern technological advancement and I’d like to think that while it in itself may not help drill those wells, that maybe it will lead to economies and improvements that make that kind of international assistance more likely.
Lastly, on the subject of failed 3rd world governments – what’s their responsibility in their lack of potable water? We got that done over here in the Americas, why didn’t they? Why does their failure make the iPad an evil thing?
[Reply]
February 22nd, 2010 at 8:48 PM
Ned, old man! You’re back!
Where did I say “calamitous?” Where did I say “evil?” (Well…it might be evil). I said it needs a USB port and an SD card, and it’ll make more people even more obnoxious in public (all true, by the way).
As to the charity angle – it’s a business proposition.
Here’s the money given to Africa for drugs, just recently, under Geo. Bush, Jr: approx 50 Billion US taxpayer money dollars. That goes to feed corruption, not people, for the most part.
Second line goes to these drugs.
‘Happy-for-us-we’re-so-great’ companies like Gap and Apple like to pretend that all this is grand, and put this logo on their swag: (R)ED.
Like it doesn’t go to these drugs.
But it do, Ned, it do indeed.
And so, I want to Help Apple sell its product. I like Apple. I think they are a grand and innovative cult – company, I mean. And I think that if they would donate 1 or 2 percent of profit to groups like this:
http://www.charitywater.org
Because…well, “Sixty-two per cent of Africans do not have access to an improved sanitation facility.”
And a percent of a gift from Apple to Africa, would not only ‘raise awareness,’ as the kids say, and increase the amount of good-hearted ‘oh, what the hell, let’s do it,’ spending here in the pocketbook countries….but it would influence political movement of money toward something useful. After all, it ain’t gummints gonna do it for us. It’s us, and by us, I mean private industry given to a little generosity and direction, as they reap billions selling shiny swag to the first world…
And it’s all about the love, amigo! It’s all about the love…(and the dollar). So, let’s make a dollar, and spread the love (and clean water).
Because a little investment in clean water in Africa, will make a difference to industry worldwide, which can really deeply invest in Africa and Africans, who will not be crippled by TB and Malaria. See? It’s all about expanding that international business model. No humanitarian feeling needed or required…
[Reply]
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:23 AM
I was watching a documentary recently and the African person interviewed spoke of electricity and the Climate Scam. He said what Africa has needed is electricity, and then it can provide all the rest for itself. Clean water, jobs, and start becoming something more than a third world region. He showed off a foreign provided clinic that can only operate a few hours per day because of a lack of electricity. It was a solar-powered facility, so when they want to run one machine, everything else, including the lights have to be turned off. He said, we just can’t get anywhere this way.
Then he showed women preparing food in their shanty huts. No electricity meant they had to burn wood, often inside, which contributed to all sorts of health problems for both parent and child as the smoke inhalation basically kills them at an early age. Electricity would mean longer lives, no time spent chopping wood or collecting stuff that burns.
I think if they had electricity, they’d provide the water purification for themselves. And they’d probably need electricity for the water systems anyway. But it would allow them to do so much more. No lights at night means bed comes early. So much of their time is spent gathering just enough to stay alive for a day. With electricity and subsequently water purification, they would live longer, be more productive and improve their quality of life so much, they’d kill any dictators who tried to take it away. Both electricity and clean water would be like a taste of freedom they’ve never had.
[Reply]