On Flat Earthers

I’ve figured out most of Flat Earthism. It’s not nice, but who cares. Flat earth is narcissistic, anti-nature, cell-phone brain damaged millennial bullshit.

Now, one by one:

Narcissistic: We’re the only gerbil cage that looks like this. Someone built it for us. If we admit to ourselves that we’re in a gerbil cage, we won’t be slaves. (cue Wachowski bro-sisters, I sense an unnecessarily long and boring movie coming.)

Anti-nature: and what about the Sun, Moon, seasons, longer summer, shorter winter, eclipes, tides, solar cycle, lunar cycle, planetary cycles? What about weather, the clearly global and hemispheric weather patterns and atmosphere? Meteor showers, cometery fly-bys; lightning – that equalization discharge between the interstellar medium (space – an aether with a charge, despite what asshole Einstein thought) and our charged spinning probably metal-cored planet? What about the 10,000 things that are observed on a spinning planet with hemispheres?

Cell-phone brain damage: the problems and short-sightedness of Flat Earthism relate to an inability to think in long movements. “Maybe it’s flat! Common sense tells you it’s flat!” These are the short, impulsive thoughts of a child. A very thoughtless child used to immediate gratification. An infuriating child who can’t do long-form equations, can’t carry a number in its head while working out another – because the beeping, needy machine in its hand equalizes all deficits and recalls all data. This is the product of truly ignorant and self-serving religious delusional self-aggrandizement, disguised as “conspiracy-defeating freedom seeking,” but it has the hollow ring of a video game.

Millennial: the people who are “debating” this have all the characteristics of this generation of destroyed minds, raised on poisoned, computer-generated art, music, film, noise; you get the feeling in trying to debate this that they have no concept of any rules of logic; if the thing is defeated in three major areas – it cannot be allowed to continue to be valued as a serious contender. If it points out one mildly intriguing feature of vision or optics, it renders it pointless by insisting that it’s won every argument – although it refused to even acknowledge any argument; it has no model, no map (they’ll admit this under pressure), and clings to the mantra: we’re right, we’re freeing you, we’re still doing “research,” (whatever shaking camera footage counts as such to their brains – see above), and if we don’t “believe” them, clearly we’re destroying the planet.

Flat earth is narcissistic, anti-nature, cell-phone brain damaged millennial bullshit. And it pains me, because I’m open to the idea of conspiracy (it’s as standard and common as a handshake on Wall Street; it’s the way we do business, politics and science – we’re a religious, cultish, tribal, xenophobic species rooted in story-telling and myth – of course we’re chock full of conspiracies.) But then there’s the issue of: how good is your model? How good is your evidence?

If you want to figure out how the Earth curves, or take up the issue of optics over distance, please do so. I’ll be your enthusiastic supporter. But if you want to provoke the Internet and conspiracy “community” to buy your Jesus-Pizza model of the Universe – then get bent. You’re selling something – and you might not even know it.

Evidence should be convincing in the long term. And an exception to what you think should be doesn’t qualify as new model planet. Work harder at your new science, if you believe in it, because as of now, it’s utter bullshit.

– Liam Scheff



  1. I’ve seen the ‘flat earth’ theory circulate in social media. Didn’t give it much thought, i think there are much greater concerns to focus on, that have a direct impact on our lives. In my opinion, it is a life or death situation now on many fronts.

    I think there will be more information emerging about our true origins, that will shake up many religions, including their followers. ;-)

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