October 14, 2016
As many of you know by now, I have experienced the sudden onset of a rather brutalizing neuromuscular illness, looking more and more like a cerebellar stroke during dentistry. The early symptoms had us considering MS and CIDP, and we’re still guessing at times, but it’s looking like a vascular ‘event’ in the brain during some very brutalizing, invasive and prolonged dental work. I will write and make commentary as I am able.
The illness has brought me to face the singular reality of this life: that we all will die, go to that other place and leave this world, this veil of tears and sorrow, laughter, mirth, terrible beauty, endless curious wonder without such a thing as a true or final answer.
Such is the world.
I am certainly struggling. If I don’t make it, know that the proceeds from my book will go to my loved ones and their children; these are friends who are most in need and most worthy of extra support, and their wonderful kids.
I’m not sure what else to say, except that life is a mystery. Health is not a promise the universe makes to us. We all must suffer. I have seen such beauty – and horror – in my lifetime, I haven’t been ruefully cheated of poetry. I would like to have more life, of course, but I also accept that the universe acts out its will, and we are very small leaves on an endless vine. There are more leaves to come; and more that we cannot possibly know that what can fit into anybody’s holy book or under science’s microscope.
In the end, all is mystery. Here, the best we can do is to love with generosity and forgiveness, even though we often fail. We can try and try again.
I’ll write as I can about what comes to me in this phase of life on my blog.
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